The Secret
by Matchbox Of Music
Summary: I was sitting on the floor, cradling his body to mine. I didn’t care that my white shirt was steadily turning red. You really don’t think about those things when your best friend is bleeding to death in your arms" One-shot


**_The Secret_**

**_By: Angellus Lee_**

I was sitting on the floor, cradling his body to mine. I didn't care that my white shirt was steadily turning red. You really don't think about those things when your best friend is bleeding to death in your arms. Instead you think of all the 'if only' s and the 'what if' s. If only I had asked what was wrong. What if I had been here earlier? I laughed bitterly, which turned into a choking sob.  
  
"What's wrong with you?" I sobbed, burying my face in the crook of his neck. I remember the way he smelled, like spring. Fresh and new. But now he smelt old and broken, like death. "You're not suppose to die!" I screamed. "We were suppose to grow old together! Friends don't die!" I stroked his cheeks, his hair, and his regal nose with the small bump in it from when I had doored him. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Please, come back, please? Common, D, don't leave me. What am I suppose to do now?" I asked softly, and when he didn't answer like he was suppose to, I started to scream. I screamed so loud, so hard, so long that it was like one continuos sound. I kept cuddling him, shaking him, but he wouldn't open his eyes.  
  
It was Christmas break, and it was cold outside and in the castle, but that wasn't why he was blue and that wasn't why he was cold.  
  
The door to his dorm burst open and I glimpsed Professor Snape through the sea of tears and sorrow that filled my eyes. For a moment I was scared that he would give me detention because I was in the boys rooms. For a moment it didn't feel like my best friend was dying, probably dead. It just felt like we had been caught breaking rules like always. But the way that the Professor looked at me, made me realize that I was day dreaming.  
  
"Professor, help him." I croaked. But he just walked towards me and knelt down on the floor, not even minding the pool of blood that surrounded me and D. He put his finger on D's neck then slowly shook his head, pulling back.  
  
"Ginevra-"  
  
"Bring him back!" I screamed then started sobbing. He stood up and started pulling me up, but I just wouldn't let him. I screamed and kicked as I was pulled away from my best friend in his greatest time of need.  
  
"Ginevra, I can't bring him back. He's dead." Snape said in the gentlest voice that I'm sure that he had ever used. But I didn't care. He was trying to take me away from D.  
  
"Bring him back! Find some way! You're a full wizard! Wave your wand, make a potion!" I was being irrational, but I didn't care. He pulled me off the floor and against him in a hug. I hit him and pushed him, but he just wouldn't let go. His spindly hands clung onto my arms so hard I knew there would probably be bruises.  
  
I was too tired to fight now. I sagged against him, crying and saying his name over and over again. "Draco. Draco. Draco."  
  
I passed out there, in my potion professor's arms. I thought I was dying with D, but I knew differently when I woke up in the infirmary. But while I was asleep, I dreamed of Draco. I dreamed that he was still alive, or maybe I was dead, but either way we were together, stalking Filch's cat after curfew. We always did that when D woke up from a nightmare and couldn't get back to sleep.  
  
I woke up with Madame Pomfrey looking over me. She was taking my temperature, feeling my head and cheeks. She was more surprised at seeing me awake, than I was seeing her and made a sound in her throat.  
  
"Oh, dear, I'm so sorry." She said in this motherly way. It wasn't like my mum, though. My mum never gave me pity. She was protective, but if something did happen to me, she told me to get past it. That was my mum.  
  
Pomfrey was trying to hug me now, but I pushed her away. "Don't touch me." I said harsher than I meant. It only diminished her a little as she pulled back like she had been burnt. D always said that my temper could burn.  
  
"Very well, dear." She said. I wish she would stop with the pet names. My mum called me pet names. So did D, but he was just usually mocking me then. "Professor Dumbldor and Professor Snape." She pursed her lips then. I'm guessing that Snape wasn't on Madame P's good list. "Are waiting to talk to you, but if you're not feeling up to it, I'm sure it could wait until tomorrow."  
  
I've never liked pity and that still applies now. "I'm fine." I said so stoically that I sounded like D. He always did talk like some programmed muggle robot or something. Except to me. Madame P looked really put down now, but I couldn't care right now. All I cared about was gone now.  
  
It had always been D and me. Always together. Just the two of us. Ron had his own little group of friends, a group of friends that didn't accept little sisters, which I never thought was fair because I was only a year younger. And while at first I was awed by the fact that Ron was friends with the Harry Potter, it soon warred down when I realized that Harry was just like anyone else. He wasn't special. He didn't even remember what he did.  
  
Later on, I would be accused of not seeing it coming. Draco's suicide, that is. It feels weird even thinking that. Draco's suicide. Sounds like a title to a book or something. I knew there was something bothering D, but I didn't ask. I thought that if he wanted me to know, he'd tell me. Besides, I hate it when people try to pry into my life. Kinda like Karma. But he did finally tell me.

**_SSSSSSSSSSSS_**

It was Halloween and Draco and I hadn't felt like celebrating. Me because Halloween was the day that Mrs. Norris got attacked, and I was the one who did it. Not like I meant to or anything. D wasn't celebrating because he wasn't that kinda guy.  
  
We both laid on our backs, looking up at the ceiling. D had learned the neat trick that Head Master D put on the Great Hall ceiling. You know, where you can see the sky? And the curtains around his bed were closed, so we could pick out constellations and shooting stars better, all the while talking about things that best friends talk about. Like who would win if Professor Snape and Professor MaGonagall got into a fight. We both bet against our heads of house. Funny, huh?  
  
We were in D's dorm room, on his bed. For one, he wouldn't be caught dead in the Gryff Tower and for another he had silk sheets. People always thought that D and I were a couple or something, but we weren't. We were just best friends, but to me that meant more than being a couple. You could be a couple and still lie to each other, but best friends really trusted each other.  
  
We were talking about my family. D really liked to hear about them. He wasn't a real talkative person. Sometimes I would think he wasn't listening when I was saying something, but it was never true. He just likes to listen more than he likes to talk.  
  
"I really love my family and all, but with so many of us, we have to fight for attention. Besides, being the only girl, none of them get me at all. Not even my mum. She kinda treats me like one of the guys. Which is ok sometimes, because I wouldn't want to me treated like some kind of glass snow globe all the time."  
  
D laid there quietly for a moment. "Snow globe. Why did you pick a snow globe?" He asked. He often asked odd questions like that.  
  
It was my turn to contemplate in silence, and I did so for a couple of seconds. "Because snow globes are beautiful and people look at them because they are. They make people happy and if it gets broken some how, you know it's an accident. But sometimes people need to be broken and spited just so they can survive."  
  
He nodded. D always knew what I was talking about when most people didn't. We sat in silence, watching two stars shoot across his ceiling. I wondered if the sky would ever run out of stars, which was an odd thing to think about, but I did anyway.  
  
"What about you, D?" I asked suddenly.  
  
"What about me?" He asked in the same tone he always used. The tone that made you think that he was bored, but that was just Draco being Draco.  
  
"What do you do during the summer? Who do you hang out with? Where do you go?" I grinned excitedly, "Do you travel? Have you have been to Italy, or Egypt?"  
  
He was quiet for an awfully long time, which made me turn my head and look at him. He was just staring at the ceiling. I wondered what he was thinking, but knew I would never know unless he told me, and he rarely did.  
  
"Nothing. No one. No where. Yes, yes, and yes." He said finally. I was confused at his answers, but then realized he had answered my questions.  
  
I hefted myself up and turned over on my stomach, supporting my weight with my elbows. "So....You don't do anything during the summer, you don't hang with anyone, and you don't go anywhere. You travel, yet at the same time don't go anywhere, and have been to Italy and Egypt? I've been to Egypt."  
  
"In a nutshell." He said, which I knew he had gotten from me, because he usually would have just answered with a yes.  
  
"How do you travel and not at the same time?" I mocked him.  
  
Again, he was silent and finally I knew he wasn't going to say anything. That's all right, I didn't need him to tell me. If he didn't want me to know, I was fine with that.  
  
"Aren't you going to ask me again?" He finally asked, looking at me with a confused look on his face. We were working on the whole emotion thing because he didn't show any.  
  
"I figure that if you want me to know, you'll tell me and I don't have to ask again." I said casually, which, for some reason, seemed to set him off.  
  
"How can you just do that! Not care if you know or not? Not ask me questions about my life even though I know you want to?"  
  
I blinked at him. "Karma." I said simply.  
  
He waited for me to go on and say something else, but I didn't, so he had to. "Karma?"  
  
"Well, yea. You know, where it's like you treat people the way you want to be treated. You can't be mean to someone and expect to be treated better. It's like that, except I don't pry into people's lives because I don't want them to pry into mine. If you want me to know something, you'd tell me."  
  
That's when he had first kissed me. Like I said, D and I weren't together romantically, not at all, but he kissed me. After that we shared a lot of casual kisses, but that was all. Just pecks on the lips to say goodbye or hello, or something like that. I felt a lot better when I was touching D. A hug, or a pat, or a kiss and I'm pretty sure that's how he felt. More so, because he liked to hug me a lot. Like I was some sort of anchor to the ground. I never realized that that's exactly what I was.  
  
Later on he had told me that he used to travel all the time with his mother and father. But they were having problems, so they didn't really do anything apart from meals and showing up to social gatherings together.

**_SSSSSSSSSSSSSS_**

"Miss Weasely?"  
  
I blinked and realized that Head Master D and Professor Snape where standing in front of my bed, looking at me. I guess I spaced out, thinking about D. I was going to be doing it a lot in the next forever, because there was no way I was going to, nor that I wanted to, get him out of my head.  
  
"Yes?" I said meekly and reprimanded myself. How weak was that? Now I was really started to sound like D.  
  
"First things first, are you all right, my child?" Head Master D asked, which made my blood boil. I detested being called a child or a kid. I was so much more than that. Tom had made sure of that.  
  
"As well as I can be when I've just been pried from the body of my best friend." I said bitterly. God damn you, Draco, for leaving me in this kind of situation. I immediately apologized. I didn't mean that, D.  
  
"Yes, the death of Mr. Malfoy is certainly tragic." He started. I applauded him for saying 'death' and not suicide.  
  
"Tragic? No, it's not tragic! Tragic is being hit by a bludger during a Quidditch match! Draco's death is a fucking catastrophe!" I screamed, more tears blurring my view of them. I picked up the water glass next to my bed and chucked it at them as hard as I could. It didn't make it past my feet, though. For being an old guy, Head Master D sure is real quick with a wand. He levitated it back to the nightstand, still calm, and I hated him for it. How could they be calm when I was in a wreck?  
  
"You're right, my apologies." He said, which just ticked me off more.  
  
"Stop apologizing! Stop coddling me with pity! I don't need it! D needs it! He's the one that's by himself!" I started to sob again, but more controlled than any of the other times.  
  
"We just need to know what happened, Ginevra." Head Master D said in a neutral tone that I would thank him for later.  
  
"My best mate committed suicide, that's what." I sniffed and tried to wipe my tears away.  
  
"And if he was your best mate, then why didn't you see this coming?" Snape sneered, any trace of the soft tones I had heard earlier gone. I knew that Snape was D's Godfather, and would have done anything to live with him, but while his mother was living and father in Azkaban, it wasn't possible. I didn't know for sure if D had told Snape 'The Secret'. That's what we called it. I now know that he didn't, or he wouldn't be asking me that question.  
  
"Because true suicide committees don't tell anyone. Because if he didn't want to truly die, he would have told me, or hinted or something." But after I had said that, I realized that he had hinted. I just wasn't listening. "But....I had a clue."  
  
"And if you had a clue, why didn't you come to one of us for help?" Snape sneered again. I knew he was royally pissed at me. He blamed me for D's death.......D's suicide.  
  
"I did." I whispered, putting my head down. "I tried to tell you, Professor Snape." I looked back up at him. He had an expression between shock and confusion. "I couldn't tell you exactly what it was. D made me promise. I couldn't betray him like that. "But the more that I thought about it, the more I though: Did I betray him more by not telling? But I knew that if they asked what it was, I still couldn't tell them. It would still feel like betraying D, because I couldn't believe that he was dead.  
  
I really had tried to tell Professor Snape, but his detest for Gryffs made him not listen. It had been after a particularly bad night. D couldn't close his eyes with out having a nightmare and he would claw at his body, leaving behind hot, red scratches. Some of them bled. I had gone up to Professor Snape after class and told him that I thought that there was something wrong with D. But he didn't listen. He didn't think there could be. No one did.  
  
They did ask, but I didn't tell them. I couldn't. But I told them as much as I could. About D's depression and self-mutilation. The things he would hint about. About how he would hint about suicide.

**_SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS_**

D and I always ate breakfast together. Again, we sat at the Slytherin table because he would never sit surrounded by Gryffs. Besides, most of the Slytherins had come to terms that I wouldn't be leaving for awhile, so they tolerated me. Sometimes we even talked. I just had to make sure it wasn't about Quidditch. That was, like, taboo, because it was bound to bring up a fight.  
  
Both of us were pretty morbid, so our favorite part of breakfast was checking out the obituaries in the Daily Prophet. D liked to hear me read them out loud. Part of it had to do with just hearing me talk. The other part was that it crept out the other Slytherins.  
  
Now, you had your three basic ways to die: Homicidal, Accidental and Suicidal. The accidentals were pretty funny. I honestly can't think of a morbid way of accidentally blowing up your own wand and killing yourself. It was always funny.  
  
"Margarett Weathers." I started. "26 years old, loving daughter, blah, blah, blah. Oh, here we go: Went morbidly insane and after trying to attack her sister, Milly Weathers-Tul, locked herself in the W.C and then carved her heart out with a spoon, all the while yelling that she was a Vampire. Funeral will be held at Hogsmead Cemetery on Saturday 13, November at 4PM." I finished and put down the paper, finishing my breakfast.  
  
D snatched it up and read it again. I didn't know what he was looking for. "She probably had a bad family life, or something traumatic happened to her. All loony people have the same pasts." He slapped the paper down.  
  
"Yea? How would you know?" I asked. He became quiet again and I knew it was because he didn't want to tell me. I didn't ask again and it frustrated him. This was before Halloween, so he didn't know about my whole karma thing yet.  
  
"We have a family therapist and she told me." He answer simply, followed by a shrug. There was more silence, then: "Do you want to go? To the funeral?"  
  
"Can we?" I asked, skeptically.  
  
"Well, if they didn't want the public to attend, do you think that they would put it in a public paper?" He asked.  
  
"I guess not." I said. "All right. It's at four? That's an hour before we have to be back. Should be plenty of time."  
  
It was only Thursday when that paper came out, so we had a whole two days to wait before Saturday. D was all excited about it. I didn't know why. I wanted to go because I was hoping on an open casket funeral. D said it was probably unlikely because of the way she died. I was still hoping. Maybe her family was morbid, too, and wanted people to see how she died.  
  
D was right, though, it was closed. We both hung around the back of the crowd, listening to the Rev say his respects and the family and friends around us sniff and cry. Everyone was wearing heavy black cloaks, including D and I. I was wearing one that he had gotten me one Christmas. That was before we were best mates. He sent it with out a name, but confessed after we started talking. He had noticed that mine wasn't very thick.  
  
When everyone was mourning with the family, we stood in front of the grave, watching the grave diggers fill up the hole. "Why do you think people commit suicide?" I asked curiously.  
  
He thought for a minute before answering. "I think they do it when they can no longer find a reason to keep going. When nothing in their lives is good enough to balance out the bad." He paused, thinking very hard. "And they do it when they no longer have the courage to carry on past some recent painful experience. They commit what is, in the end, a desperate, final call for help, that is hopefully heard in time by someone else." He finished, looking me in the eyes.  
  
I was scared. I was scared by what he said and the way he was looking at me. That was the hint that I had missed, because I just thought I was being paranoid. "And what if it's not heard in time?" I asked, although I knew the answer. I just had to hear what he would say.  
  
He looked back at the grave. "Then they die."  
  
"Die." I whispered, looking at the newly created headstone.  
  
"Yes." Draco answered, then turned around. "Common them, we'll be late if we don't hurry." He said, grabbing onto my hand. I noticed he was shaking a little.

**_SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS_**

Madame P let me out of the Infirmary the next day. It was still Christmas break, so there really wasn't anyone in the corridors. No one really looked at me twice. They didn't look at me and then start whispering to their friends. I guess Head Master D didn't tell anyone yet. I guess he was leaving that up to me.  
  
I went to Draco's dorm. The crime scene. It was spotless. Looked like the house elves worked fast. I wondered where they had put D. I couldn't say body. Just D. Like he was still alive. They even made his bed.  
  
One of our good mates was laying on his bed, reading a book. When he saw me, he set his book down and sat up. "Oi, Gin, have you seen Draco? He said he was going to help me in Charms, but never showed up to the library."  
  
Blaise was in sweet ignorance. Even he didn't know D's self-brought fate. I hated that Snape didn't even tell his house. Why did they have to leave it up to me? It was like cruel and unusual punishment.  
  
"Blaise." I started and sat down on his bed. I couldn't sit on D's. Not just yet. "Something happened."  
  
"Did he get detention over Christmas break, 'cause that would be a record. I don't even think you're brothers got detention over a holiday." He said, chuckling. I looked at him, and I guess I had a bad look on my face because he stopped. "Gin, what happened?"  
  
"Draco. Draco's dead, Blaise." I finally said, watching his face become a mask of horror.  
  
"Gin, if this is a joke, it's horrible, even for you two." His eyes glazed over.  
  
I shook my head. "No, B, it's not."  
  
"Does anyone know? When did it happen? H-How?" He sped off.  
  
"Just Head Master D, Snape, me and now you. Yesterday. He-He committed suicide, B." It was hard for me to say any of this and I surprised myself by doing it and not breaking down like I had all last night.  
  
B just kinda sat there in shock. He wouldn't say anything else and the only thing he did was blink. So I left him to mourn D by himself, which I think was a real shitty thing to do, but he was a guy. If he was a girl, I wouldn't have left him alone, but guys were strange that way.  
  
After leaving the Slytherin dungeon, I found myself walking to Head Master D's office. I had to know why he left it up to me to tell B and anyone else I thought should know. I didn't know the password to his office, but I didn't need to because the gargoyle had already been sprung aside as Snape was going up the stairs.  
  
He sneered at me when he saw me again. He was mad because I didn't tell them why D did it. Why he was depressed. I knew. It was 'The Secret'. But I felt bad for him. I really did want him to know, but if D hadn't told him, then he didn't want Snape to know.  
  
I fell in step next to him until we both got to the doors of Head Master D's office. We both stopped, just staring at the door.  
  
"He was afraid to go home." I said, still not looking at him. I knew he was looking at me, because I could feel his gaze.  
  
"What?' He asked softly, confusion laced in his word.  
  
"He was afraid to go home. That's why he stayed for break. He asked me to stay with him instead of going home." Then I pushed open the door. Snape didn't follow, he turned around and walked back down the stairs. I could only hear his sobs because the stairs case echoed.  
  
Head Master D was writing a letter. Fawks was sitting on his perch, looking all new and shiny. He must have seen me looking at his bird because he said. "Fawks had his death day yesterday. Right before Snape had sent me the message about Mr......Draco." He set his quill down.  
  
I wasn't going to be detoured, though. "Why didn't you tell anyone. Why do I have to?" I asked. There was a chair, but I didn't want to sit down.  
  
"I think it would be better for you to talk about it as much as you can. And I know you don't want to hear it, but it will help you get over it quicker." I opened my mouth to say something rude back, but he held up his hand. "Like I said, you don't want to hear it." He paused, looking over his letter. "I feel it respectful to have a funeral for him here, as soon as break is over." I nodded, but didn't say anything. "His father will be brought over from Azkaban to witness it. I'm sending letters to Mr. Malfoy and his wife."  
  
"You can't do that." I said. "You can't tell a good parent that their son is dead through a letter." I paused, deep in thought. "Let me go and tell him. Tomorrow."  
  
"It's Christmas tomorrow." Head Master D reminded me.  
  
"I know."  
  
"Very well." He nodded, agreeing so easily. I got up and started to walk out the door. "What time would you like to visit them tomorrow?" He asked me.  
  
"I'll go to Azkaban in the morning." I said.  
  
"What about Mrs. Malfoy?" He asked me.  
  
"I said no good parent should find out from a letter. I didn't mean Mrs. Malfoy."

**_SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS_**

It was D's birthday. He was born in January, the coldest month of the year. Suit him real well. We were having a very small gathering in his dorm. And when I said small, I meant that the only people there were his fellow dormers and I. I really wanted to get him something good, but I didn't have any money, so had to stick giving him free things from the Twins' shop.  
  
Everyone went to sleep early. It was a weeknight. There was class tomorrow. But D and I stayed up in the common area, sitting on the green couch and watching the fire.  
  
"I'm sorry I couldn't get you anything better, D. I really wanted to." I said, leaning my head against his shoulder.  
  
"It doesn't matter, Gi-Gi. You're here and that's all I need."  
  
I hugged him. He smelled like Spring. I loved the way he smelled.  
  
"Why do you always sniff me?" He asked.  
  
I blushed. I never thought he had actually noticed me doing that before. "Because you smell good. You smell like Spring."  
  
He was about to say something back, but a giant black eagle owl swooped down and landed on the arm of the couch. It had a silver package in its beak and dropped it on D's lap before flying away. I didn't ask anything. He wasn't frustrated by it anymore now that he understood my whole karma thing.  
  
He picked it up lightly and opened it. I thought they were odd. It was a pair of very short, silk green jammies, but just shorts, no shirt. He read the note that came with it and jumped up, the note and present sliding off his lap.  
  
"D? What's wrong?" I asked, very concerned, standing up, too. He had circled to the other side of the couch.  
  
"Put it in the fire, Gi-Gi. Just, please, put it in the fire." He pleaded, a horrified look on his face. He looked closed to tears and I was lost.  
  
But I picked up the present and threw it in the fire. And even though it went against my karma rule, I picked up the note and read it.  
  
Dearest Draconis,  
  
Happy birthday. I hope you like the present. Don't wear them out before you come back home. Can't wait to see you.  
  
Love forever,  
  
Torix McNair  
  
I was confused. But this time I asked. I asked until he told me. We were up in his bed. He wouldn't let go of me. He hugged me, burying his face in my shoulder and cried and I cradled him, whispering meaningless promises in his ear, because I didn't know what to do. That's when he made me promise. That's when it became 'The Secret'.

**_SSSSSSSSSSSSS_**

Azkaban was every bit depressing as dad made it out to be. Even more. So much more. I couldn't imagine spending more time that I had to now in this place. It made you feel kind of sorry for the guys who were here. Until you walked by their prison and they started screaming at you in words you couldn't understand.  
  
Head Master D, Snape, some Aurors and some Dementors escorted me. I really didn't want the Dementors there, because with the first step on the island of Az, I fell to the floor screaming because I was remembering the Chamber and finding D all at the same time.  
  
I nibbled on chocolate as I walked down the hall, the Dementors gliding behind us. We stopped at a cell. Mr. Malfoy was sitting on the floor, on a very expensive looking rug, his eyes closed. I'm sure D's gonna grow up to look just like him .Would have. I reminded myself.  
  
"Ginevra Weasely. To what do I own this........pleasure? It seems odd that you come to visit me with out your father. Or that you've come to visit me at all." He opened his clear blue eyes to look at me. D must have gotten his eyes from his mother.  
  
"Well, first of all, Mr. Malfoy, Happy Christmas." I said. I wasn't afraid of him. It was D's father.  
  
"Is it now? I wouldn't have known that it was happy or Christmas." He drawled, just like D used to do.  
  
"Lucius, listen to the girl. She came here on her own decision." Snape said and I gave him a small smile.  
  
Mr. Malfoy now looked at me with more interest than he had ever look at anyone from my family. His interest was perked. "Then go on, Miss Weasely. Tell me what you have so unselfishly taken this trip just to tell me what couldn't be told in a letter."  
  
"Mr. Malfoy, Draco's dead. "I said very simply. No trying to beat around the bush. Mr. Malfoy would hate that. D hated that.  
  
"Dead? My boy......dead?" He seemed fragile now. It startled me because he was always so regal and noble. In fact, even though he had been such a prick, I admired him for it. But he was crumbling before my eyes. He stood up and walked to the bars, wrapping his long fingers around them. "How?" He asked unsteadily.  
  
I didn't want to tell him. But I had to. I was brave, I had to show him that. He was testing me and I knew that. "He took his own life." I said, pointedly not saying he had committed suicide. I didn't want to say it.  
  
"I don't understand. Why would he do such a thing."  
  
"I know why, but I can't tell you. Not yet, not now."  
  
"Why not, girl. Why can't you tell me why my son took his life." He demanded of me. His eyes were burning pools of blue. Molten if they had been red.  
  
"He made me promise."

**_SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS_**

September 1st, 2nd, if you want to get technical considering it was two in the morning and while everyone else was asleep, waiting for classes to start, D and I were dangling our feet off the Astronomy tower ledge. We were wrapped up in a blanket and it was one of the few nights in fall where the sky was clear and we could see the stars. D was always happy in fall. It was his favorite season.  
  
"How was your summer?" He asked me, my hand clutched in his.  
  
"Same as always. Harry and Hermione came over the last week. The Twins were locked up in their room all summer. They let me in once. They really are bloody geniuses. They had smuggled things in there that I know would have to be Okayed by the Ministry first." I paused. "I got you something." I said and pulled a silver chain out of my pocket. It had a pendent on it. It was silver and etched in it was a sleeping dragon with D's name on it.  
  
"Gi-Gi." He said, at lost for words for the first time. I slipped it over his head and it fell lightly against his chest. "I have something for you, too." He took me by surprise, and from his pocket he produced a silver ring with an emerald and small diamonds. "It's a promise ring, Gi-Gi. Promise me that if you never get married, you'll marry me and then we will grow old together." He slipped it on my finger.  
  
"What if you get married, D?" I asked and he only shook his head with a small smile.  
  
"I'm never going to get married. They'd be too jealous of you and our best mate relationship." He said, pulling me closer. I'll have to remind you again, just in case you're getting ideas, me and D weren't romantically involved. We were just really close. Probably closer than brother and sister. Because brother and sister didn't kiss each other the way D was kissing me now.  
  
"I promise." I said and he actually smiled at me. A good smile. The kind of smile that starts at the edges of your mouth and curls up into a grin. "I love you, Draco." and I really meant it, because while I could never imagine having sex with D, or anyone else for that matter, I couldn't imagine marrying anyone else but D.  
  
"I love you, Ginevra."

**_SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS_**

I was sitting on Ron's bed fiddling with the ring around my finger. It was the day after Christmas. I hadn't opened my presents at all. I couldn't even stand to look at them, so I shoved them all under my bed and went to visit B. He hadn't opened his either and we spent the time talking about Draco instead. It was horrible, but we both needed it.  
  
I knew Ron was going to notice something was wrong with me just by looking. I looked horrible. My eyes were sunken from lack of sleep, but puffy from all the crying. I was pail and my hair was a mess. I wore my jammies around everywhere.  
  
"You look horrible, Gin, is something wrong?" Ron asked. "Did you like your presents? Why aren't you wearing your sweater?"  
  
Yea, I knew he was going to notice. I politely asked the others if I could talk to my brother alone for a minute. Harry gave me a worried look. If I could have I would have reassure him with a smile, but I just couldn't manage it.  
  
When the door shut, I turned back to Ron, who was looking at me with that big brother look. "Gin, did some one hurt you? Was it Malfoy, because if he did, I'll kill him." He said angrily. He didn't know the power behind his words and I started crying for the millionth time in the past days. "It was him, wasn't it? You tell me where he is and I'll make him pay."  
  
And with trembling lips and a shaky tongue, I told Ron. I told him that D was already dead. That he committed suicide, but not why. That I found him, that he just wouldn't wake up, no matter how hard I tried to make him. I was angry with him because he left me alone, because in reality it was I who killed him. I should have seen it coming. He dropped hints, but I didn't want to listen. I couldn't handle it. I killed my best friend. It was the hardest I had ever cried. Even when I did find D dead on his floor.  
  
"I killed him, Ron." I sniffed as he held me. He held me like I held D when he woke up from nightmares.  
  
There was a light knock on the door. No doubt Harry and/or Hermione. And I was right, because they both timidly walked in, worried looks on their faces as they saw me crumpled up.  
  
"No you didn't, Gin. It wasn't your fault. But at least you were there. At least he didn't die alone." Ron said, which I appreciated more than he would know. I knew how much he hated D, how much he hated that we always spent our time together. "You should sleep." He said and led me to his bed, pulling the covers up to my chin just like mum used to do. "Get some sleep, I'll be in the common room when you wake up." He kissed my forehead and left with the others.  
  
They didn't get outside the door before Harry and Hermione were asking Ron questions. Had Pig died? They had wondered, because Ron had left him here over the holiday for me to use in case something happened. No, I heard Ron say and explain everything that I told him. Hermione gasped and Harry didn't say anything, but I fell asleep then.

**_SSSSSSSSSSSSSS_**

I was being shook awake. One of the few nights that I actually slept in my own bed and I was being shook away. Not that I didn't enjoy sleeping on silk sheets, but mine smelt like home. I groaned and swatted at the person that was trying to wake me.  
  
"Gi-Gi, it's me. Wake up."  
  
My eyes popped open and I saw D in the darkness. "How the hell did you get up here?" I asked him, in which he only smirked.  
  
"Come on, I got an idea." He threw me my cloak as I sat up. I glared at him, but he only smiled at me and kissed my forehead. "You'll like it."  
  
He led me to the edge of the Forbidden Forest, on the other side of the padlock where Hagrid used to keep Hypogryphs. That way, no one could see the fire that D conjured up. It was just a small fire, so that we could sit on either side and look across it at each other.  
  
"All right, D, so what's this idea that I'll like?" I asked him, yawning and rubbing my eyes.  
  
"Blood sharing." He said, holding up a dagger. It was beautifully carved with a phoenix on one side and a dragon on the other. "I thought it appropriate, you symbolizing a phoenix and me symbolizing the dragon. We'll make a cut on both our palms and push our hands together. After that, no one will be able to call you dirty blood, you'll have my blood and I'll have yours. We'll truly be the same."  
  
I smiled. I was such a sucker for adventure. "All right." I said. D got up on his knees and I mimicked him.  
  
He went first, slicing deep, long cuts down his palm. He made it look so easy. Like he had done it before. I pondered that while I was watching him. It made me cringe. I tried to do it, but I didn't cut deep enough to get enough blood.  
  
"Do you want me to do it?" D asked, sitting there with his hands bleeding like it was nothing. I bit my lip and he knew me well enough by then to know that that was what I did when I wasn't sure about something. "Trust me." He smiled. Of course I trusted him. I handed him the dagger and with quick, precise flicks of his wrist, I had cuts just like his. They hurt when I was looking at them more than when I wasn't.  
  
D held his hands above the small fire, blood dripping down into it. I followed him and our hands pressed together. I know it's silly, but I really did feel his blood rushing through me. We both gasped, so maybe it wasn't silly and maybe it wasn't just me.

**_SSSSSSSSSSSSSS_**

Ron woke me up just in time for dinner. Hermione did my hair for me after I got dressed. She put them in two braided pigtails, too innocent for how tainted I felt. But I didn't bother over it.  
  
I really had to give it to Ron, Harry and Hermione. They didn't tell anyone. Not even any fellow Gryffs, even though their roommates were wondering what was wrong with me. I was clinging onto Ron all the way down to dinner. I got a lot of funny looks, because even though 'Mione had done my hair, I still looked horrible. I saw Blaise walking into the Great Hall. He looked horrible, too. In fact, I'm sure we had the same expressions shadowing our looks. He was being followed by Pansy, Crabbe and Goyle. They were asking him something, but he only shook his head. We saw each other and I saw his eyes were all puffy, too. He had been crying, but I knew he would never admit it.  
  
Pansy followed his gaze and saw me. She saw the horror on my face, still there after days of not living with D. They were close enough that I could hear her next question.  
  
"Blaise, where is Draco?" She asked skeptically, but Blaise still didn't answer her. Head Master D told me he would tell everyone the bad news at dinner. But like I said before, D's death wasn't bad news, because bad news was something like someone being late to an appointment. D's death was a fucking catastrophe.  
  
I sat down next to Ron and surprisingly, Blaise came and sat down at the Gryff table with me. I guess he didn't want to be around ignorant people when Head Master D told everyone.  
  
All the food appeared on the tables and everyone stuffed themselves like pigs that eat as much as they can, and have no idea that they're going to be shipped off to the slaughterhouse. That's how my heart felt. That it had been butchered into too many pieces to be put back together. I didn't eat anything and neither did Blaise, we just clung onto each other's hands. Ron, Harry and 'Mione tried to each, but only pushed their food around their plate. My stomach growled and felt like it was eating itself and I realized that I hadn't eaten since before D died. But just the thought of eating food made me sick. I also realized how horrible I really did look because I could see myself in the polished plate in front of me. My eyes were sunken and my cheekbones were protruding from my face. My lips were cracked and dry. I could feel my ribs sticking out, even through my shirt.  
  
It wasn't long before everyone was finished, talking about the things they had gotten for Christmas. I still didn't know because I hadn't opened mine yet. Some people were getting up to leave, but Head Master D stood up and they sat back down, everyone instantly quieting. He didn't look so great either and I wondered if anyone else had ever committed suicide while he had been here.  
  
"I'm glad to have you all back and I hope you had a good Christmas. "He said grimly, which made some peoples smiles fall. "However, I have some bad......." He trailed off, looking at me. "A complete catastrophe has happened." And that's when people started to whisper. Head Master D quieted them down. "I'm sorry to say that tomorrow evening we will be having the first, and I dearly hope, the last funeral."  
  
"Someone died Professor?" McGonagall asked. I guess he hadn't told anyone, not anyone at all.  
  
Head Master D nodded. "In case none of you have noticed, Draco Malfoy is not with us this day."  
  
There was an uproar as everyone swiveled around in their seats to look at the Slytherin table. And no matter how many times you swept over the occupants with your eyes, you would not, and never again find Draconis Malfoy sitting there.

**_SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS_**

D hadn't been feeling well today and told me not to visit him. He didn't want me to get sick during break, too. D was always worried about things like that. Things that involved me. But it was so boring around the huge castle with out anyone to talk to. I tried to do the homework that Professor Snape gave everyone over break, but I couldn't concentrate. I snapped the book shut and threw it down on the floor. I sat on my bed, fiddling with my ring and tracing over the scars on my palms. Then, with an almighty sigh, I jumped up. Because if I was suffering this much, D must me, too.  
  
I grabbed a Honeydukes chocolate bar from my stash, because chocolate always makes you feel better.  
  
I really didn't care if I got sick or not. Madame P could always fix me up right, which made me wonder why D didn't go to here in the first place. He never had liked healers, though.  
  
I ran into Luna Lovegood on the way out of the common room. She was staying because her father had to go on a big expedition for his paper. I didn't remember for what, but I knew it was something that didn't exist and was complete bullshit. I couldn't wait until that article came out. I always liked Luna's dad and their paper.  
  
The Slytherin common room was empty, which didn't surprise me much. Blaise was the only one in their house besides D that stayed. I doubted he would stay in the common room all day. I was skipping up the boy's dormitory stairs. I was in a good mood because it was break and D had asked me to stay with him. I understood why he wasn't going home. He owled his mother, making up some excuse about having to stay to get extra help in something or another.  
  
Seventh year boy's rooms were the last room down the hall. I grabbed onto the knob, but it was locked. That struck me as odd and banged on the door. "D! Open up, it's me. I don't care if I get sick, I'm bored, entertain me." I said, but he didn't say anything.  
  
I was going to get on my hands and knees and peek under the door, but there was a folded up parchment on the ground, so I sat down on the floor and picked it up. It had my name on it in D's hand writing, so I opened it up.  
  
Dearest Gi-Gi,  
  
If only I had longer to tell you all that I feel for you. I love you more than you'll ever know, more than I've ever loved anyone. I know that I can tell you anything, but I couldn't tell you what I'm about to do. Don't fret, my love, I'll be better off. I feel bad about doing this, but I can't do this anymore. I can't live anymore the way that I do. I can't go home and be afraid when Torix McNair comes into my room at night, knowing that my mother knows, but won't do anything, that she doesn't love me enough to help me. I'm tired of being his plaything, Gi, but thank you for trying to help. Live, Gi-Gi, because it's what you do best. I know you tried to live for me, but it just didn't work, it couldn't. We'll meet again, sometime. Always remember that I love you and only you.  
  
Yours forever,  
  
Draco.  
  
I was scared now. I trembled as I put the letter in my pocket. The door was still locked, so I pulled out my wand and muttered the spell to unlock it. I pushed the door open slowly, expecting to find an empty room. That D had run away. That's what he had been talking about, wasn't it?  
  
But it wasn't.  
  
I dropped my wand in horror because my best friend, my love, was withering on the floor in a pool of his own blood. He looked up at me, weakly, and smiled. He smiled. Lying there, dying and he had the nerve to smile at me. Leaving me by myself in this torn world and he smiled at me. I ran to him, but I really don't remember doing that. I was cradling his head, covering myself in his blood.  
  
"Gi-Gi." He said, still smiling. I wanted to scream at him. Stop smiling! There's nothing to be smiling about! You're dying! You've leaving me all alone! But I didn't. I just kissed his face, his cheeks, his forehead, and his nose.  
  
"D, what have you done?" I sobbed. He was bleeding from his wrists. What a messy way to go, but I guess that's what he was going for. The dagger that we had used in our blood sharing ceremony was sitting innocently next to him. I picked up one of his wrists and bit my lip so hard, I felt my own blood filling up my mouth and gagged when I swallowed it. He had carved my name into his arm, and I was guessing that was just the start of it. It wasn't bleeding enough to be fatal.  
  
There was so much blood oozing from his wrists because he had taken the dagger and sliced vertically both the veins on both wrists. He cut so deep, he had cut clean through to the other side.  
  
"What happens if it's not heard in time, D?" I asked him, thinking back to our conversation at the cemetery.  
  
"Then I die, Gi-Gi."  
  
"Die."  
  
"Yes."

**_SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS_**

You know how the rest when down. How Snape found me and everything up to this point. This point where I was standing at a podium in front of all Hogwarts students, all the Professors. My family was there. I had talked to my mum. She said exactly what I knew she would and I'm glad. She told me that there was nothing I could do and that Draco would want me to live, which held more truth than she knew, because I hadn't shared the letter with anyone. Not yet anyway.  
  
We were having the funeral outside in the snow. I didn't mind, it was pretty out for such a dark day. I stared at D's monster, sitting in the front row, holding onto Mrs. Malfoy. My gaze then swept to Mr. Malfoy, I mean Lucius. He told me to call him that. He smiled and nodded to me. I nodded back then looked at the crowd.  
  
"Draco, was not everyone's favorite person. But he was mine. No one knew him like I did. He didn't want anyone to. He had dreams and hopes just like any of you. And he was mean, but he had his reasons. He was the bravest person I have ever met. You all know he's dead, but he wasn't murdered and it wasn't an accident. Draco took his own life because he was afraid. He called for help, but no one would listen, not even me. But I won't let his last cry of help be unheard. I know why he took his life. We called it 'The Secret', but it won't be anymore. Draco had a monster that would haunt his dreams, but not just his dreams. A monster that haunted his home."  
  
I glared at Torix McNair and he looked at me with quizzical eyes. I pointed at him and he looked afraid. Good, he should be. "You, Torix McNair, is Draco Malfoy's monster. You crept into his room at night and you terrorized him. You killed my best friend. You killed Draco and you did it gladly. You don't care that he's dead because he can't tell anyone what you did to him, but I can. You raped him and you threatened him with his mother. You told him you'd kill her if he told anyone, but he told me."  
  
And in a matter of seconds, the whole funeral turned into a fiasco. Lucius had dove at McNair and I saw the Dementors were confused as to whom to restrain, Lucius or McNair. Students were sobbing, Head Master D was trying to calm everyone down, the Professors following him. Mrs. Malfoy sat there in shock. And in it all, there was me and D. First two. Last two. Only two.  
  
"What a way to go out, D." I stood in front of his coffin. I didn't open it. I knew that I wouldn't be able to handle it if I did. It was black and shiny.  
  
In the end I had fainted because I hadn't eaten at all for days. Lucius was taken back to Azkaban, along with McNair who was charged with child abuse. There was more, but I didn't remember. Lucius divorced Mrs. Malfoy, who's name reverted back to Ms. Black. Since D was dead, he gave his fortune to me and my family. He wasn't going to used it, or so he said.  
  
We didn't move out of our house. We're a little bit too attached, but mum and dad are happy. I still celebrate D's birthday every year. All the Slytherins do. We all miss him. We mourn the date of his death, too. On that date I always go through my black box that's full of his stuff. The pendant I gave him, the ring he gave me, the letter, pictures that Colin had taken and given to me, the dagger and his wand. There was more, but those the most important things.  
  
After Hogwarts, I had become a Psychologist and guided children who had attempted suicide. It's not what I had ever thought about doing, but I feel good when I stop someone from killing themselves. I live in Malfoy Manor now, by myself and I'm not planning on getting married.  
  
And in the very end, there is D and me. First two. Last two. Only two. 

**_End_**


End file.
